Boss, sit down and hold on tight, because what I found out today from the boys at Fane's is scarier than any horror movie! For real, bro, the El Niño phenomenon has officially set up shop in the Pacific, and according to NASA or whatever American institutions, it's going to be a super El Niño, one of the strongest since 1950! You don't know what that means for us, cuz. While they're heating up over there, we here in Berceni are getting orange code and red code for storms and hail in 17 counties! Mioara told me not to leave the house, or the hail will carry me away.

Now, let me tell you exactly how it is. NOAA, those Americans who watch the ocean, have declared that El Niño is already underway and that Pacific temperatures have spiked. It looks like it's going to be so powerful it could break records from 1950. And, bro, it's no joke: they say the probability of a very strong El Niño is 63%! That's basically 100% guaranteed, like when I bet on FCSB and lose. That professor, Scaife, from the British Met Office, says we should be worried because this warming overlaps with existing global warming. So if 2024 was the hottest year, 2027 will be even hotter. What can I say, bro, even the AC in my 2008 BMW can't keep up anymore.

But let's get back to us, because that's why you're here. In Romania, it's raining buckets and hail the size of walnuts is coming. The National Meteorological Administration has issued an orange code from Thursday, June 11, 12:00 PM, to Friday, June 12, 10:00 AM, in 17 counties: Cluj, Alba, Hunedoara, Vâlcea, Argeș, Dâmbovița, Prahova, Buzău, Vrancea, Bacău, Neamț, and Suceava, plus the mountain areas of Harghita, Covasna, Brașov, Sibiu, and Gorj. That's exactly where I wanted to go for a barbecue at Fane's this weekend! Now I'm thinking: if my BMW gets hit by 4-centimeter hail, the car is done, bro. And I still owe Relu payments.

The meteorologists are forecasting torrential downpours, storms with gusts of 70-90 km/h, medium-sized hail, and 40-60 liters of water per square meter, locally over 70! That means, bro, if you have an apartment like mine on the 4th floor, it's raining inside too because the gutters can't handle it. But the worst is in Suceava, the county where forests are cut down in secret and people are the angriest. They've issued a red code for maximum alert, with ice chunks bigger than 4 centimeters and wind that can destroy roofs. In Bacău, in the Cucuieți locality, huge amounts of water fell, and in Onești, black clouds gathered and a massive storm is coming. People have received RO-Alert messages and are advised to stay indoors. I got one on my phone an hour ago, and Mioara told me not to go out for cigarettes. What can I do, bro, I smoke by the window, like in prison.

And to show you how life is, while we're getting soaked and fighting hail, elsewhere in the world it's even worse. They say in Peru and Ecuador there are floods, in East Africa also floods, in Australia and Indonesia drought and fires. We Romanians are, as usual, in the middle: not too much, not too little, but we still pay the bills when the roof gets damaged. So, bro, put your hands on your head and pray that the wind doesn't take your car from the parking lot. Because from El Niño to Berceni is a long way, but hail doesn't discriminate.