Yo, sit down and let me tell you what came out of the European Commission's poll, 'cause it's pure madness! 65% of Ukrainians and 58% of Moldovans want to join the EU by any means - exactly what the neighbor from apartment 4 has been dreaming of since he got back from Italy. The survey, done on a thousand people in each country between February and April, shows it clearly: people are fleeing the Russians and chasing after those European greenbacks.

And they're not alone! The most fired up are Albanians with 92% and Kosovars with 83%. In the Balkans, over 60% in Montenegro, North Macedonia, and Bosnia want the EU. Only the Serbs, our blood brothers, stay tight-lipped: just 31%. Georgia, 71%. Turkey, blocked for years, barely 46%. Reminds me of when I was waiting to get into Schengen - you know the saying, "two steps forward, one step back."

The poll says people see the EU as a guarantee of peace, security, and money for the kids. Well, of course, bro! That's why Mioara dreams of moving to Germany, 'cause she says it's clean and orderly there - but I've got payments on my 2008 BMW, so forget about moving.

The saddest part is that even though they opened the first thematic cluster with Ukraine and Moldova on Monday, member states killed the enthusiasm on Thursday at the summit. The Commission and Zelensky were talking about quick steps, but those guys in Brussels put them in their place: no clusters open until summer. They've been doing this since I can remember, always promising and always postponing.

And now here comes Lavrov, the Russian foreign minister, writing an article to scare us. He says the EU is no partner for peace negotiations, that all Europeans want is to keep the Zelensky regime to fight Russia. And he warns about nuclear bombs and "catastrophic consequences." Man, I'm not buying this story: ever since he annexed Crimea in 2014, relations have been frozen solid. Now he's complaining that the EU is expanding to his borders? Well, duh, dude, 'cause you didn't let peace happen.

That's how it is in big politics: some dream of the EU, others threaten with nukes. We Romanians just sit and watch - from Fane's terrace, beer in hand. For now, I'm off to explain to Mioara why we don't have money for a vacation in Antalya: because I've been waiting for years for Romania to get into Schengen, so I don't have to stand in line at the border!