Boss, sit down and grab a cold beer, because I've got news that'll make you realize our politics is more tangled than my BMW's chassis after I hit the potholes in Berceni. On May 25, 2026, the Nicușor Dan Administration signed a $3,390,000 contract with the law firm Eversheds Sutherland (US) LLP to strengthen ties with the Americans. And not just any ties, boss, but with three mega-lobbyists: Jason Miller, Matthew Schlapp, and Christopher Putala. You don't know what I went through when I saw the sum - nearly $3.4 million, which is like me buying about 10 used BMWs and still having enough left for a barbecue with the boys at Fane's!
Listen up: Jason Miller, former spokesman for Donald Trump, has already pocketed $300,000 and said after a meeting with Nicușor that he has "sharp intelligence." Well, I don't know about intelligence, but I know $300,000 for a handshake is a bit much, right? For 300 lei, I'll take pictures with anyone, boss, and I'll even say they're a genius!
But wait, here comes the best part. Matthew Schlapp, chairman of the American Conservative Union (ACU) and organizer of the CPAC conference, is in the contract for $125,000 a month. And who is he? A Trump insider and, get this, a declared supporter of George Simion, leader of AUR! On May 6, 2025, after the first round of the presidential elections, when Simion got 3.8 million votes, Schlapp came to Bucharest to campaign for him and attended the "Romanian - American Business Conference 2025" at the Palace of Parliament. So Nicușor is paying a guy who promoted Simion - ironic, right? It's like we're back to the days when everyone was kissing each other, regardless of party.
The third one, Christopher Putala, former advisor to Joe Biden, gets $50,000 a month for public policy and energy consulting. His firm, Putala Strategies, promotes the "Vertical Corridor" - a project to transport liquefied natural gas (LNG) aimed at reducing Europe's dependence on Russian gas. And here's where it all ties together: on January 9, 2026, G4 Media reported that three Romanian companies - Cis Gaz SA Sântana de Mureș, IRIGC Impex Bucharest, and MVN Structural Consulting - paid over 1 million euros, through the same team (Putala Strategies, Eversheds Sutherland, and Matt Schlapp), to promote the same Vertical Corridor. So, bro, the money circulates among the same people - a kind of "wheel of fortune" for lobbyists.
The entire contract, for six months, is for "strategic advice, tactical planning, and assistance in governmental relations" - to protect our national security and partnership with the USA. Seriously, if $3.4 million doesn't make us safer, then not even a 2008 BMW makes me a driver. Who wins? Guess: those who already have money, we're left with the stories. Caragiale would have said: "It's a comedy country, sir!" I'm off to explain to Mioara how I found out Nicușor is spending so much on lobbying, while I'm waiting for Ioana's child allowance to buy bread. Who pays? Still us, suckers.
