Dude, you won't believe this! I thought we were done with the heatwave, and now the rain is giving us the third degree. Tuesday was a disaster, bro: Bucharest and half of Muntenia turned into Venice, but without gondolas and with shawarma prices. Six counties are under a yellow code on Wednesday, from noon till evening – just when I wanted to go out for a beer with the boys.

In Argeș – yeah, where they have Topoloveni with their plum jam – the hail came like in the movies. In Câmpulung, three rounds of rain in two hours turned the streets into canals. Drivers pulled over in fear of their windshields shattering, and me, with my 2008 BMW, I would've hidden under a bridge. Firefighters pumped water out of basements and yards – good for them, because nobody gives us anything for free.

But the craziest is in Dâmbovița: a worker was rescued by helicopter! He was sitting on his excavator, in the middle of the torrents, like a survivor. A rescuer from Salvamont Prahova pulled him up with a winch – like fishing him out from up there. Man, I wouldn't have stayed so calm; I would've called Mioara right away to bring the beach lifebuoy.

In Buzău, where they have their Pleșcoi sausages, dozens of greenhouses turned into cabbage. Farmers say the harvest is dust – exactly what we needed, for tomatoes and peppers to get more expensive. I'll just eat grilled minced rolls at Fane's this month.

And in Chiajna, near Bucharest, a street was completely flooded – water up to the knees. An old man said he'd never seen anything like it, another said he escaped by the skin of his teeth. Those in basements were pumping water out with motor pumps, like in the flood stories from '70. I'm thinking about Mioara: if the water gets to Berceni, where I keep my tools?

And to top it all off, six counties – Argeș, Dâmbovița, Buzău, and three more – are under a yellow code until Wednesday evening. So if you were thinking of taking a walk, better stay home and have a shot of plum brandy from mother-in-law Veta. Because the apocalypse is coming, bro, and we've got nowhere to run!