Boss, hold on tight because I've got a story that'll make you realize just how smart we Romanians are. So, on the Transfăgărășan, right at the Vidraru Dam in Argeș, Ceaușescu's county and home of Topoloveni plum jam, a bear wrecked a Swiss tourist. Yeah, yeah, Swiss, one of those with cheese and money, not one of ours walking around with pork rind hanging from his mouth. The animal attacked him on Monday, June 15, on DN 7C, right where we go to drive our cars and take photos of the waterfall.
Now, listen to what happened next. Romsilva, who knows about forests and bears, says the animal was aggressive and injured the Swiss guy. So the Argeș Forestry Directorate, with help from the gendarmes and the Arefu mayor's office, shot it. For real, bro, they sent it to the angel circle. And now, what do you know? The Forestry Directorate put up warning signs and patrols with the gendarmes there. Like, "don't feed wild animals, because the bear gets used to it and becomes dangerous." But who the hell listens? When I go with Mioara and the kids to the mountains, I stuff half a shawarma right next to the bear, 'cause I'm not a sucker to starve.
Specialists, those college types, have rules for bear encounters: don't run, don't turn your back, don't stare into its eyes, don't wear Mioara's perfume, don't carry smelly food, hike in groups, and talk loud so it hears you. Well, man, when I go out with the boys for a beer on the Transfăgărășan, we talk so loud neither the bear nor the gendarme can hear us. But seriously now, we Romanians wonder why bears come to town? Look, in Argeș, Bacău, Brașov, everywhere they complain about bears. In Brașov, where pancakes are famous and foreigners buy houses, the bear is king. In Bacău, where the diaspora leaves our kids on the streets, the bear comes to the trash. That's how it is with us, bro: we feed the animals, then kill them when they get close.
And now, what do we do? More cases like this happen in several counties, because bears come back after we relocate them. Man, I for one don't buy the story that there's no other way. If you asked me, I'd say we should do something more serious, not just signs and patrols. But until then, I'm going to ask Fane if he's still up for a beer on the Transfăgărășan, 'cause maybe it's quieter now without that bear.
