Bro, what did I catch today! I was watching the news and stumbled upon some madness: Portugal broke the absolute temperature record for May. Right on May 27, in the town of Mora, in Central Alentejo, they recorded 40.3 degrees Celsius. And man, I swear it's true: the previous record was also 40 degrees, but from 2001. Now they smashed it by three-tenths, no joke!
Listen up, this heatwave has taken over all of Western Europe. Not only the Portuguese got hit: the UK also broke an 82-year-old record. So, bro, this summer is coming with heat that melts you. What can I say about us Romanians, sitting with the light and AC on, paying bills like a state budget!
Experts, they say, warn us that these will become normal due to global warming. Normal, bro, they talk, but when I look at Mioara eyeing Lidl for deals on still water, I gotta laugh. What we, the neighborhood gangsters, know is that if this is normal, then normal means we're toast.
And it doesn't stop here: forecasts say all of Europe will face heat and instability this weekend. Spain, Germany, Switzerland - all are preparing for temperatures over 35-40 degrees. In most European capitals, there will be thermal pressure like you're in a sauna. I'm thinking now: if in Portugal, which is next to the ocean, it hits 40 degrees in May, what will it be like for us in Berceni when July comes? We'll grill on the balcony directly, no charcoal needed!
In Portugal, temperatures will rise slightly but remain hot and dry, with highs around 35 degrees. Authorities there are already on high alert: risk of vegetation fires and strong ultraviolet radiation. I mean, bro, if you go to the beach, you'll turn red as a lobster, no joke!
Us, here in Cluj, what can I say? The guys on the terrace - Fane, Mitică, Relu - look at each other and say: "Dude, if it gets this hot, we won't drink beer on the terrace, we'll drink at home, 'cause we'll melt." And just like that, in Sălaj, the ghost county, where young people flee to the West from the cold, now they flee from there because of the heat.
So, bro, until then, let's be glad the wave didn't hit us directly. But who pays? Still us, for electricity and water. I'm going to tell Brian to stop leaving his computer on, 'cause the bill is coming!
